I’ve been doing some soul-searching lately. And been pondering about myself and who I am. My beliefs, personality and what makes me, well, me.
I strongly believe that a major factor that influences and shapes us who we are is our past and the things we have experienced. (Of course there are many other factors at play such as environment, family and people around us etc., but lets just focus on our past today.)
Would you change your past? Anything at all?
I’ve been seriously trying to answer this question as honestly as I can. And to be honest, i’m still not sure what I would do. Or whether I should, because its our past that shapes us to be who we are today. And especially those events/things that we really regret/wished never happened at all in the first place. Isn’t that what convicts us so strongly to never even consider repeating that same mistake? If we could erase that past, we would never have learnt that lesson, and that is a major thing taken away from you.
We can’t expect that some mistake in our past didn’t happen, yet want to still hope that this deep conviction within us is still going to stay. It’s one or the other. It’s an either/or thing.
For this case, I don’t believe we can have the cake and eat it too.
What would you decide to do? Erase some part of your past? Leave it be? Maybe it’ll be good to just be aware that if you do decide to erase some part of your past, some part of your later past or future may change. Because that part of the puzzle we have solved within ourselves, we have lost it again. If you decide that erasing that part of your past is worth that risk, then i’m fine with that. I just always believe that we should always be aware of and know what kind of situation we are walking into before even entering the room. (By the way, the rule is that you can only change your past once. You can’t change your past then regret than decide to change that part of your past too. It’s just gonna get waaaay too complicated and messy.)
For the record-
I definitely do have many things I wished never happened/wished I never did. But if it meant changing who I am and what my beliefs are, then I wouldn’t. It’s not worth it. I’m not going to let my past define me. I’ve come to learn that it’s what I do now and from now on that does. (We can think about doing something else, or say other things, but what really matters and what other people can see, is the actual thing you’ve done.)
I’d like to just leave you all with a quote I always tell myself.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
What matters is we learn after the first mistake. If we make the same mistake twice, its not the other person’s fault. It’s ours. We knew what we were getting into. (Or if it’s the other way around, we better goddamn prove that we’ve learnt and never gonna make the same mistakes again. Prove to whoever matters, that a leopard CAN and WILL indeed change its spots for the people they love.)